Monday, May 22, 2006

TaWaNaN TiMe!!! HeHeHe!!!

.::The Doctor::.

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical Practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last.

And you're single.
Just let it go.."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality,
Whispering:......
Dave.............









...............you're a vet".
========================================
.::One last gamble::.

A man goes to church to pray for his gambling addiction to be cured. God answers his prayers, but says he must gamble one more time, and whatever he wins, he must give half to the church.

The man agrees, and heads to the nearest casino.

He sits down at a blackjack table.

He gets a 2 and 5. He has 7

"What should i do God" he asks
"Take a hit" God replies.

The man takes a hit, he gets a 5, he has 12.

"What should i do God" he asks
"Take a hit" God replies.

He takes another it, he gets a 4. He has 16

"What should i do God" he asks
"Take a hit" God replies.

He takes another hit, a 3. He has 19

"What should i do God" he asks
"Take a hit" God replies.

The man takes a hit, he gets an Ace! 20!

"What should i do God" he asks
"Take a hit" God replies.

The man takes a hit, ANOTHER ACE! He has 21!

At this point Gods screaming 'UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE"
========================================
.::Divorcing the wife::.

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a much better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids, too."

The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards, too."

The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!"
========================================
.::!@#$%^::.

There are three girls in a bar bragging to each other how loose there ****** are.

The redhead says "Mine is so loose that my boyfiend can get his whole fist in"

The brunette says "Mine is loose enough that my boyfriend can get both his fists in"

The blonde just laughs and slides down the bar stool.
========================================
.::Kiwi::.

Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
========================================
.::Fart::.
Joe is in Amsterdam and visits a nudist colony there. While wandering around naked he spots a gorgeous blonde and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over and says "Sir, did you call for me?" Joe replies: "No!" She says "Well, it's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it means you called for me."
She then layes him down and starts making love to him. Later that day Joe visits the sauna, but as he sits down he farts. A huge big hairy guy get up, drops his towel to show a huge erection and says "Sir, did you call for me?" Joe replies, "No!" The man says, "It's a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The man then knocks Joe to the floor and has his way with him. As soon as he's finished Joe rushes back to his room, grabs all his things and heads for the exit. On his way out he's stopped by the manager he askes "Can I help you ?" Joe says "Here's my room keys I'm leaving early." The manager asks why and Joe replies : "I'm 60 years old, I get an erection once a week but I fart 20 times a day !!"

pk'ED at 11:59 PM